Iam non sumus hospites et advenae; sed sumus cives sanctorum et domestici Dei

Feast of the Holy Family 2008

Today some parts of the Church are celebrating the feast of the Holy Family. For those of you who are not familiar with this feast, it refers to the family of Joseph, Mary and Jesus. While agreeing that this is indeed a holy family, and one worthy of a feast in its own right, I am going to suggest that we too are the holy family. I would think that that would be quite easy to accept, if we can be the created image of the uncreated God.

I have so often heard sermons which speak about the way in which our own family groups should model themselves on that perfect one – and so they should, while accepting that we know, in fact, very little about it – but on those occasions I have felt that the preacher is barely scratching the surface of what this feast is about. I do have an axe to grind: I have no family and have felt left out and almost cheated; as if the preacher were suggesting that because I am a single person with no family, this feast has nothing to say to me, as if this is not my feast, as if I have no part in it. The essential part of the collect for the feast is the petition to God to “help us to live as a holy family”; a petition which is rightly on the lips of every child of God.

The Holy Family is, of course, a family unit, what they now call a nuclear family. I was never quite sure why that name was used, but it goes some way towards explaining the most important thing about the Holy family. The nuclear family (father, mother and offspring) is quite simply the nucleus, or one of the nuclei, of the family with which this feast is concerned, the family with which God is concerned: the family of humankind. Anyone can proclaim the value of family life. Both the present Government and its predecessor have done so and I cannot seriously describe either of them as Christian governments. The “nuclear family” is good for society; it is one of its most effective building bricks and undoubtedly, if it is happy, does prevent some of the unrest and general moral decline about which we hear so much. But there is nothing specifically Christian about the nuclear family. It has existed since records began, and doubtless long before that. It exists and has existed in various forms, of which the form we have now in the West is only one, and not necessarily the best. And even when lived Christianly it is a human thing baptized, not a divine thing. The divine thing is our universal brotherhood (and I do not use this phrase in a sentimental but a literal sense) stemming from the universal fatherhood of God.

The nuclear family does not have a large place in the teaching of Jesus; that is not, I am sure, because he did not value it, but simply because he saw its value as the very relative thing that it is. It sounds rather extreme to tell us to call no man on earth our father, but when he explains that it is because we have one father who is in heaven and that we are therefore all brothers, it becomes clear that this is like his instruction to hate our parents, our family, and our own life. It is a wild attempt to get into our thick heads what matters and what doesn’t; it is an a fortiori argument, of which he was in general rather fond. We all know how natural it is to love father and mother – and certainly ourselves. Well, compared with the love we are to have for God, that love is more like hatred than love, so much lesser is it. Just so, compared with the family relationship between the children of God, mere blood relationship is hardly a relationship at all. It is an attempt to make us lift our eyes from what is on earth to what is in heaven.

There is a parallel with the Martha/Mary story here. Martha’s vocation – the active one – was not a bad one. It was given by God. The difference is that Mary’s – the contemplative one – does not end with life, but will never be taken away from her. in heaven, Mary will remain a contemplative; but Martha will, in her own way, and while still remaining distinctively Martha, become a contemplative too. the time for action will be over. Blood relationship, the family structure, does not even remain unchanged throughout life; and it ends with death. That does not – emphatically not – mean that in heaven we will cease to love those whom we loved on earth. We will love them still more; because the real relationship, the relationship between members of God’s family, only becomes closer and clearer in the next world; death cannot change it. My other and father were indeed my mother and father; the relationship was a close one. But far more important, more fundamental and more true – an more lasting – is the fact that as children of God they were, and are, my sister and brother.

Family relationships are exclusive, as are friendships and all relationships based on profit or esteem. That is not a bad thing in itself; but by definition it means that they are not relationships that can be universal, common to all human beings; we cannot base on such relationships our status and bond before God. Everyone was born of parents, certainly; but there are many who never knew those parents, and very many who never had family relationships properly so called. Not everyone has friends; not everyone has relationships in which they help or are helped, admire or are admired There is only one universal relationship, only one relationship in which we all find ourselves equally members of God’s holy family; if any one human being is excluded, the we are all excluded, at least in theory. Kierkegaard pointed out that if we deny to any person the status of child of God – and that includes failing to treat them as such – then we are denying ourselves that status: either God is the Father of every member of the human race or else anyone’s status as child of God, including mine, may be called into question. The basis of our behaviour towards other human beings cannot be that of a blood relationship, friendship or any such limited thing.

To be a father or other is a great thing. It is like being an apostle; to them the Father says, as Jesus said to his apostles, “Whoever hears you hears me”. We honour our parents because they hold the place of God the Father in the nuclear family. But since the incarnation it is a great thing to be a son or daughter too; we stand in the place where the Word Incarnate stood. We are all sons and daughters, in the sphere of nature as in the sphere of grace; since the Incarnation there is no-one who does not stand in the place of God. We are not only heirs of God, we are fellow-heirs without Brother Jesus Christ.

And that. to me, is the value and lesson of the Holy Family: it was the place of the Incarnation, the place where our likeness to Jesus was born. It cannot really be called the origin of the nuclear family, though it may very well be taken as a model;; but it is truly the origin of the family of God. Before the Incarnation, Israel was God’s People, and all humankind was his creation; ad the universe was its mysterious setting. But since God became the son of the Virgin and (most truly, if not physically) of Joseph, there has been a dramatic revolution: creation has become a family, and the universe has become its home.